I Seriously Wanna Punch Youse in the Face: a Pacifist's Journey.

I'm as easy going as the next guy: I love puppies, dandelions, and Gandhi. But I'll tell you what, man. my resolve can sure get tested:

1. screech diamond: you were never an interesting character, and you're an even worse human being. plus, that beard makes you look like a high-level NAMBLA member. good job.

2. propaganda: being a student of logic, you folks push the buttons like a mormon drinking a coke: you just ain't fooling anyone.

3. frat-maicans: seriously. either get the keg out of the hallway, or take Bob off your door. because the plight & poetry of the Jamaican will never make sense to you no matter how intoxicated you get.

4. reality-celeb: since you're such an asshole, I can't even root for Glinda the Good Witch to fix your legs.

5. the proud american: my suggestion for these fellas: take off the shirt and show your appreciation by volunteering at the V.A.

6. baby queens: can't you just go get a happy meal like the rest of your pre-school class?

7. craig sager: c'mon, my man. when there is a google search called "craig sager suits" something needs to be done.

8. pocketless jean chicks: I've seen maybe 1 out of a thousand that actually looks good in these. I'm a fan of the bum as much as the next guy. but dude: it ain't working.

Ronnie James: allowing brothers to like each other.

so it's 1984, and a precocious ten-year old is eating chicken mcnuggets in front of the MTV after school. and wouldnt you know it: in comes the older brother. this dude is the classic 80s stoner-teen. long hair, ripped jeans, Priest Jersey-T, smelling of the green stuff.

being seven years apart in age, we never really had those genius bonding moments siblings closer to age may have had. but we always had music. and on one day we had a video premier:

the last in line.

of course, there was that lovely opening scene of a kid on a bike getting into an elevator to hell, you know: off to the witch, man.

there were the post-apocalyptic torture scenes.

there was vivian fucking campbell shredding pre-leppard (another blog for another time).

there was ronnie james dio playing dungeons & dragons with a damn lightsaber.

and of course, there was brother and brother, quiet in the shared radness that is DIO.

I put that video on my brother's facebook page not long ago, the sucker I am for remembrance. and why that day stands out in my brain, I'm not sure. of course, it's probably the lightsaber.

but it's there, friends. an indelible memory of me and my brother vibing together in the glory of metal.

thanks for that RJD: and rest in peace, sir.

hey, X? you should feel bad about your existence.

hey, buddy. in the english alphabet, you pretty much have no use:

box = bocks.
xenophobe = zenophobe

linguistically, you are just a replacement for what other letters can do. you are like a whore without the payment. because, c'mon. no one really thinks so highly of you or your ability to stand in for other sounds.

you arent even the most precious of scrabble points. dick.

just. just move on, sir.